How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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