Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
