You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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