yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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