The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
