She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
