Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
