you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
