____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
