Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
