I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
