Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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