Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
