Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
