Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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