Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
