We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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