People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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