So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize