your parents love me but you hate me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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