i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
