Just cropdusted the office
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
