yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
