She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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