Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
