did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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