The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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