I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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