i jhust puked up my retainher.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
