i think my mom watched the whole time
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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