Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
