I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
