so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
