we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
