After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
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