need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
