he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
