I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
