Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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