i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
