I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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