It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
