Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I did not marry a roomba.
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