Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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