No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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