so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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