so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
