Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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