I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
