i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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