This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
