i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
