The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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