Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
