apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
