I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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