He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
