I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
