The brown eye won't let me do that either.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
