dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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