and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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