mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
vagina is talking i cant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
