I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
