I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dicks are not precious.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
