You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
