He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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