i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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