True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize