if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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