so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
