This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
