I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is my gift to your gina
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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