i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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