I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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