Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
