After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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