Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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