Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
