So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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