so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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