I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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