I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Houston, we have a squirter
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
