It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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