So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
