my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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