I need help removing her.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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