well I can't set my house on fire every night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
