and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sext me about skeletons
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
